Blessing (in English, because I can't type the word in Chinese)

My heart will always remind me how out of shape I am.

Right now it's pounding hard.  I didn't do anything particularly stressful, I just got back from lunch with a new friend from Taiwan.  She had to get her rental car back to Boston, or I would have convinced her to stay in Northampton longer.

I taught her the word "spontaneous".   We were talking about heading to New York.  I almost decided to get in my car and follow her to Boston this very moment, but then that heart started to pound and won over spontaneity.  We are now planning on heading there on Christmas Day.

I just logged into CouchSurfing.org, the site that is responsible for our meeting yesterday.  I am sending her my e-mail address and beginning to look into places to stay in New York.

Coincidentally, we ran into my friend Anna, who I met this summer via CouchSurfing.org at lunch while we were discussing our New York options.  Anna grew up in Brooklyn, and only just moved to Massachusetts this summer.  She stayed on our couch while looking for an apartment.

"Do you want a ride, I'm going tomorrow?"

Wu Meng-Rong, who goes by Florence in English speaking countries, told me last night that she has been very lucky in her travels.  She just finished a two-month intensive English language course, so here and there we have to take time to find the words to explain ourselves.  I suggested that her luck may be contagious and spread to me with my travels.  I explained contagious.

At lunch I was about to write down "spontaneous" and "contagious" and then I ask our server what his favor vocabulary word was.  "You know, something slang, or maybe just a word that you Florence may not know yet."  He came up with "manifest."   This was right before Anna came to our table and offered us a ride to the city.

I like luck.  Luck is nice.  Blessings are nice.  Spontaneity is nice, too.  Contagious luck is nice.  Being responsible for a traveler having a good time in New York city is...  stressful...  But, I get to work in the word "manifest."

There's my heart pounding.

Anna is going to stop by my house in a little bit.  I had cancelled plans with her last night because Florence had an extra ticket to Rufus Wainwrite.  I planned on calling her after Florence left town today, but instead she was at the cafe we decided to eat at.   Now I get to hang out with my friend, and ask for her help in alleviating my anxiety about New York.

I used to take the bus to New York alone.  I don't know what the big deal is.  I think it's just that I don't know the city quite well enough to show someone around for her first time.  Whenever I go, I am either visiting friends or family, or spending a solid day at the Met.  Just the Met.

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Anna came by shortly after Florence left.  We had pumpkin cheesecake and skullcap tea and talked about "important things", her new love, my resistance to romantic relationships, her discipline and life changes, my ever-evolving travel plans, our gratitude for everyone and every thing.  Our gratitude for being capable of finding gratitude.  She's engaged, and telling her family this weekend. She's knitting her mom slippers.

"If you're so stressed out about the city, are you sure that you should go."
"Yes.   My anxiety is always caused by the thoughts that lead up to an event, not by the event itself.  And, I want to travel for an extended period of time.  Soon.  It's really important for me to look at the possible fears and anxieties and deal with them now, as opposed to while I'm in a foreign country."

We got to talking about how we deal with stress and anxiety.  I told her about my use of the tarot, not as divination but as a meditation and reflection on the inner forces that can motivate us, or dominate us.    We both have a deep respect and interest for cross-cultural symbolism, and for spirituality that transcends dogmatic religion.  She is Jewish, and I was raised Catholic, and we both meditate and borrow ideas and practices from whatever inspires us.  I brought our my deck to show her.

We're both chatty people, so it took a little while before the cards came out.  "Oh, pick one."  I thumbed through for a moment.

I picked the Chariot.

Sweet Chariot.

I'm going to look up the Chinese words for "synchronicity" (which my spell check tells me is not a word, but wickipedia disagrees) and "coincidence."

After a while of looking at the cards and talking about our lives, Anna was off.  She asked me to wish her luck in announcing her engagement to her family this weekend.
"It's going to be perfect.  Hey.  Hug me!"

"Our friendship is such a special important part of my life, D."
"Anna, me too.  I'm so grateful for you."

Chance?  Luck?  Blessing?. Coincidence?  Fate?  Random assignment?  Destiny?  I don't know.  I ask myself these questions all the time, and I'll never "know."

I'm just grateful.  Even for this heart that still beating with a little more excitement than appears to be required. It's okay.  I could be numb.  I could be dead.  I could live a life where I never challenge myself at all.

Instead I'm going to New York City, on a whim, with a new friend.  In the dead winter, the spirit of travel and adventure has returned.